圣诞趣味小笑话
圣诞节快到啦，你有准备什么圣诞节惊喜吗？下面是小编为大家整理的圣诞趣味小笑话，欢迎阅读转发！
圣诞趣味小笑话 1
没有雪花即使不浪漫也可过圣诞，有了祝福即使是寒冬也感到温暖，平安夜我在许愿：愿幸福和您终生相伴！愿您的礼物堆积如山
圣诞临近百花香，一香送你摇钱树，二香送你贵人扶，三香送你心情好，四香送你没烦恼。五香送你钱满箱。六香送你永健康！
圣诞节尴尬之最：夹起火鸡想到禽流感；收到礼物恐怕有炸弹；肩扛口袋好象捡破烂；贴上胡子被当作恐怖罪犯
圣诞祝福送四方。东方送你摇钱树，西方送你永安康，南方送你成功路，北方送你钱满仓。四面八方全送到金银财宝当头照圣诞快乐
一个坏消息和一个好消息。坏消息：圣诞老人的礼物袋丢了；而好消息是：我送你的礼物他还有，因为那是暖暖的一句：圣诞节快乐！
考试零分叫鸭蛋，做坏事叫坏蛋，脑袋空空叫傻蛋，炒鱿鱼叫滚蛋，呜呼哀哉叫完蛋，蛋吃不完的叫剩蛋——圣诞快乐！
24号晚从你家烟囱钻出英俊小伙别慌张，那是圣诞老人！他整容了在韩国做的，他想给大家个惊喜，我只告诉了你千万别外传
去年圣诞，你在我袜子里放了枚钻戒，于是我给你洗了一年臭袜子；上天再给我次机会我会说，还为你洗袜子！一辈子！老公我爱你
天空飘落的雪花，就象我的心情，思念不断蔓延，从遥远的另一端努力奔向你，不能相伴，情愿化做雪花，将你砸的人仰马翻。
如果你今天没收到我的圣诞礼物，那一定是因为——你的袜子有个大洞！快补补吧！！
here are special greetings and the best of wishes，too—may christmas happiness to you！
平安夜我向圣诞老人许愿：希望不管你脚多么臭，明早当穿起袜子时，能收到我给你的满满的祝福，温暖你的心和脚ㄚ子！
听说你过几天要生个蛋，真的吗？那我得祝你生蛋（圣诞）快乐！再过几天你的蛋蛋又要满月，那么我就也提前祝你圆蛋（元旦）快乐！
一个人的圣诞夜很冷！二个人的圣诞夜，会出轨！今晚你愿意陪我出轨吗？圣诞夜只想对你说：我爱你…………的圣诞礼物！
如果你是圣诞，我是元旦，你是圣诞老人，我是驯鹿道夫，你是圣诞老婆婆，我是圣诞老公公，祝你圣诞乐！
有句话每年圣诞我都想说，可是苦于没有机会。现在我实在憋不住了，请把你留在我沙发上的袜子拿走！！
神说：幸福是有一颗感恩的心，健康的身体，称心的工作，一位深爱你的人，一帮信赖的朋友你会拥有这一切！祝圣诞快乐！
为答谢多年来关心支持特在圣诞前大酬宾！凡在我心中有一定地位的人都将获得由我提供的价值人民币一毛的圣诞短信一条
圣诞节快乐！为节约用纸，今天就不用送我圣诞贺卡了，请把祝词直接写在尽可能大的纸币上就行了
圣诞节五条禁令：禁止假装工作忙不理我，禁止发财忘了我，禁止有难不帮我，禁止吃巧克力不叫我！禁止闲时不想我！望认真贯彻
圣诞趣味小笑话 2
1 Into the Church
进教堂
Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall， the hardware store， and the churchThe town hall brought in some catsBut after they tore up all the files， the mayor got rid of the predators， and soon the squirrels were backThe hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside townBut three days later， the squirrels climbed back inOnly the church came up with an effective solutionTheybaptizedthe squirrels and made them membersNow they see them only on Christmas and Easter。
镇里有三座建筑物被松鼠占领了——市政厅、五金店和教堂。市政厅引进了一些猫。但这些“猎手”撕毁了文档，于是它们也就被市长请出了市政厅。而很快，松鼠又回来了。五金店捕捉到松鼠后，施与怜悯将它们在镇外释放了。但三天后，松鼠爬回镇里来了。只有教堂采取了一种有效的解决方案。松鼠得到洗礼成为了教众。现在，人们只会在圣诞节和复活节时才能看到松鼠。
2 Denomination
面额还是教派？
A woman goes to the post office and asks for 50Hanukkahstamps"What denomination？" asks the clerkThe woman says， "Six Orthodox， 12 Conservative， and 32 Reform。"
一名女士走进邮局，问职员要50张光明节纪念邮票（小编注：光明节：犹太人庆祝光明到来的节日）。职员问。“多少面额的？”女士说：“6张东正教，12张保守党，32张革新派。”
3Good Lights
好灯
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lightsI showed her our top brand， but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them inI did， and each one lit up"Great，" she saidI carefully placed the string of lights back in the boxBut as I handed them to her， she looked alarmed"I don’t want this box，" she saidabruptly"It’s been opened。"
一位顾客进我们的商店买圣诞灯。我给她看了我们店里最好的牌子，但还需确认一下灯泡是否正常。她让我把灯泡从盒子里拿出来，然后通上电。我照做了。每一个灯泡都是正常的。她说：“非常好。”我小心翼翼地把这串圣诞灯放回盒子里。可当我把这一盒灯泡交给她时，她吃惊地看着我，突然说：“我不要这一盒，它打开过的`。”
4Stop the Presses
让媒体闭嘴
These holiday “headlines” — concocted by the satirists at the Onion — are completelyfabricatedAnd yet they have the ring of truthCoal Now Too Expensive to Put in Christmas Stockings， Study Finds Link Between Red Wine， Letting Mother Know What You Really Think， Accountants Pack Times Square for Fiscal New Year， Book Given as Gift Actually Read
这些节日头条——由全美最优质新闻媒体The Onion的讽刺作家杜撰——完全是胡编乱造，不过听起来还真像是事实。诸如《放进圣诞袜的煤太贵了买不起》，《研究发现了红酒间的联系》，《让妈妈知道你真正在想什么》，《会计人员蜂拥时代广场庆祝新财年》，《书当圣诞礼物真有人读》。
5Hiding the Presents
藏礼物
I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presentsHaving twocuriouschildren， I had to find a suitable hiding placeI chose an ideal spot—thefurnaceroomI stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket， positive they’d remain undiscoveredWhen I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree， I lifted the blanket and there， stacked neatly on top of my gifts， were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad， From the Kids。"
早些天我就做好圣诞购物并包装好所有的礼物了。因为有两个好奇的孩子，我需要找一个适合藏礼物的隐蔽处。我想到了一个理想的地方——炉子间。我叠好礼物，用一块毯子把它们盖起来，觉得它们肯定不会被发现。当我去拿礼物想把它们放在圣诞树下时，我掀开毯子，看到，在我准备好的礼物上面整齐地叠放着另一些礼物，上面写着“给爸爸妈妈，你们的宝贝”。
6Gift Exchange
交换礼物
My friend reviewed her young son’s fill—in—the—blank homeworkOne line： “At Christmas， we exchange gifts with ____。” His response： “Receipts。”
我朋友在检查她儿子的填空题家庭作业。有一行：“在圣诞节，我们和____交换礼物。”他的答案：“收据。”
7Limited Knowledge
知识有限
As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve， I accidentally dropped one"No problem，" I said， picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate"You can’t do that，" argued my four—year—old"Don’t worrySanta will never know。" He shot me a look"So he knows if I’ve been bad or good， but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor？"
平安夜那天，在我们分发饼干时，我一不小心掉了一块到地上。“没关系。”我一边说，一边捡起来，并在放回盘子前掸掉了上面的灰。“你不能那么做。”我四岁大的孩子争论道。“别担心，圣诞老人不会知道的。”他朝我瞟了一眼。“这就是说他知道我有没有做坏事，而他不知道饼干掉在地上过？”
8Odd Christmas Visit
奇怪的圣诞拜访
From an article on the Woolacombe Bay Hotel in Devon， England： "Their three—night Christmas break includes a packed program of family entertainment， acrèche， excellent cuisine， and a visit from Satan。"
英格兰德文郡Woolacombe海湾酒店有一篇文章：“他们的三日圣诞假期套餐包括家庭娱乐、育婴托管、美味佳肴，还有撒旦来访”。
9Quick Cleanup
快速清扫
Unexpected guests were on the way， and my mother， animpeccablehousekeeper， rushed around straightening upShe put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroomLater， when she went to inspect it， she was surprised that the once—cluttered room had been tidied up so quicklyThen she saw the note on the closed shower curtainsIt read "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub。"
不速之客就在路上，我妈妈，一个完美的家庭主妇，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配给我爸和我哥哥的任务是打扫供客人使用的浴室。一会儿之后，当她去检查的时候，她吃惊了，曾经一度杂乱的房间瞬间就被打扫干净了。接着她看到浴帘上有一张纸条，纸条上写着：“谢谢你没往浴缸里看。”
10Post Holiday Blues
假日里的郁闷事
A waitress at our restaurant had a change of clothes stolen from the break roomMaking matters worse， she’d planned on wearing them to the Christmas partyAs a brand—new employee， I didn’t know any of this backstory， so I was a bit surprised to find thisindignantnote posted on the community board： "It has been two weeks since the Christmas party， and I still have not found my clothes。"
我们饭馆里一位女服务员的一套换洗的衣服在休息室里失窃了。更糟的是，她原本计划穿着那套去参加圣诞聚会。作为一个新员工，我并不知道这个幕后故事，因此当我发现这张充满怒气的纸条贴在社区公告栏里时，有点吃惊。纸条上写着：“圣诞聚会已经过去两个星期了，但我始终还没找回我的衣服。”
11Easy to Forgive
轻易宽恕
Late for a seminar and unable to find parking， I pulled into a spot behind a churchIt was only after I’d gotten out of the car that I spotted this sign： "No parkingForgiveness is our business， but don’t make it harder than it already is。"
因为研讨会迟到，现在找不到停车的地方，于是我把车停在了教堂后面。直到我从车里出来我才看到这个标志牌：“不准停车！宽恕是我们的职责，但是不要给原已糟糕的现状添堵了。”
12Waiting for Christmas
等待圣诞节
My wife took our three—year—old to church for the first timeGetting impatient while waiting for the Mass to start， he turned to her and asked， "What time does Jesus get here？"
我妻子第一次带我们三岁大的孩子去教堂。在弥撒曲开始前我们等了很久，孩子等的不耐烦了，转向妈妈问：“耶稣什么时候来这里？”
13Christmas Eve Service
平安夜祷告
Just as I began my Christmas Eve service， the electricity in the church failedThe ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuaryThen I reentered thepulpit，shuffledmy notes， and muttered， "Now， where was I？" A tired voice called out， "Right near the end！"
就在我开始平安夜祷告时，教堂停电了。教堂里的接待人员和我找到一些蜡烛，把它们放在礼堂周围。然后我重返讲道坛，整理了一下笔记后，我说：“刚才我讲到哪儿了？”传来一阵不耐烦的声音：“马上就讲完了！”
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